I didn't shave. On purpose
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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