Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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