the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
