my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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