The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
