Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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