It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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