1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize