Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
