So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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