just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
