i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
