i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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