its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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