this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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