i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Acid is not a monday night drug
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
