what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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