He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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