I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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