im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
