I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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