My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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