You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
