ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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