exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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