i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
