By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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