I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
