...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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