Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
