he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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