it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
