She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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