Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
