He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
