Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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