Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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