I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
