Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
