you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
