Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize