you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
