Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just high enough for therapy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
