My first STD was from a foam party
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
