i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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