Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize