The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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