I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
