then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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