Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize