I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
