I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
