Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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