I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
