i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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