how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
