they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize