Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
