Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
