Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
