woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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