literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
