ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize