I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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