grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize