Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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