you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
