I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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