Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize