girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
time to smoke my breakfast
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize